Submitted by Ronnie on October 28, 2011
I wrote this after I had relapsed and was once again going through a cold-turkey heroin detox. I wanted so badly to get back to that place I once was and that place was sobriety….
We all have choices on which paths to take in life. There are hard times and there are easy times. I believe no matter which paths we choose this is the case. Although, if we choose the right paths, we will have a lot less of the harder times. I chose a path which led me to a life of drugs, crimes and lies. A path which led to my self-destruction, my self-pity and my selfish attitude. I told lie after lie, hurt person after person and would steal from my own family if I knew I could use it to get high.
What a miserable life, if you can even call it living that is. I thought I was ok, living a dream, taking the easy way out. I thought everything was under control. Numb, complete numbness is all I felt. No feelings of shame, guilt nothing whatsoever. Euphoria is what we addicts like to call it. But, really is it? That’s a question I ask myself and as I continue to grow in sobriety, my answer continually changes. It started with a simple yes-euphoria-what a great way to explain that rush I got every time I stuck that needle in my arm and plunged that heroin straight to my heart. I think at first, it is the best feeling in the world. It makes me impervious to anyone or anything. I am on top of the world and I can do anything I want. Then, all of the sudden it wears off, reality kicks in nothing has changed and nothing was accomplished. My mind is going crazy. Where can I get money, who can I lie to or who can I steal from to go get high. These are a few of the many thoughts running through an addicts head long before the buzz wears off.
It’s a chase, a hunt an obsession that after you cross over that line you have no control over it at all. It takes you places you never thought or would ever want to think of going to. It makes you do stuff no-one in their right mind would ever dream of doing.
Is that really a life, constantly thinking about how your going to get your next fix. Whether your high or not your mind is continually circling all of these racing thoughts in who you can manipulate today to get what you need. Which member of my family can I use their love for me as a tool to get high. I don’t want to live this way, I don’t have to live this way, and I won’t live this way anymore. I have to take control back, my disease has hurt me enough. My addiction has pushed me into the pitts of hell and now I have to find a way back. I don’t want to be in pain anymore, I don’t want to put my loved ones through pain anymore and most of all I don’t want to live in the pitts of hell anymore. That is exactly where I am living when I am in the center of my addiction, when I let my disease take control again.
There is only one absolute requirement and that’s is the willingness, the want to stay sober. I have that willingness, that want, now what am I going to do about it. The decision is mine, I can choose any path that I want. When choosing though, I ask myself, which path leads to happiness? Which leads to living and not dying? Which leads to a productive lifestyle? These are just a few of the never-ending questions that enter into my ever-changing mind. The choice should be easy, should be clear and shouldn’t take any time at all. But, you see, I have this disease that wants to be fed, that urges to be indulged. It alters my thinking, it changes my mind at the flip of a switch. My disease snatches me up and says “the easy way out is to go get high.” It says “you will never beat me”. Now, see, here I am standing at a crossroads asking myself which way do I go. Do I continue to take the easy way out and let this thing kill me or do I want to take the path that will lead to unforeseen futures and endless possibilities.
Am I strong enough to over power this disease. Maybe not alone, but with a higher powers help and your help, you bet I am. That’s the great thing about it all, I don’t have to do it alone. If I choose the “easy way out” and let this disease win, I am all alone in my own miserable little world. Now, on the other hand, I can choose that path that requires a little work, a little effort and a whole lot of changes. Now on this path, I have you, I have a higher power and I have help. You would think this was the easier path wouldn’t you? I don’t have an answer for that right now, but one day I will. My disease tells me to just go get high, that will fix everything, that will make it all better.
Now, here I am standing at that crossroads to make that choice again. I can’t allow myself to give into my disease. I can’t feed my addiction with unnecessary thoughts that lead down a one way path back to hell, and sooner than later to death.
By: Ronnie Colvin Jr
ORIGINAL POST: http://www.intherooms.com/addiction/cros…
Submitted by RT on October 28, 2011
Flexing Your Humor Muscle
Featuring Mark Lundholm
Thursday, November 3
7:00PM to 9:00PM
Delray Beach Marriott • Delray Beach, FL
10 North Ocean
Creator of DVD series Humor in Treatment; lectured, presented and appeared at over 300 professionals’ conferences, had his own Showtime Comedy Special, appeared on Comedy Central and has written and starred in three one-man shows.
Attendees will be reminded about their priorities, principles and above all a passion for their work, purpose for their life and the power to do it all.
To reserve your FREE space, call 800-441-5569 or email Lorriek at hcibooks.com
Submitted by no_more_no_les on October 28, 2011
Hello, my name is Les, and I am an alcoholic.
If I was to describe how I was introduced to intherooms.com, I would have to say that, “God was doing for me what I could not do for myself.” My profile was built for me by a very dear friend of mine and in many ways by a person who I believe was one of God’s Angels.
I was on the road driving truck and one of my sponsee’e called me up and told me about a Recovery Site she found, and she made me a profile, and it would be great for me, because I was on the road, and I could help so many people and, and, and, and,,, And I told her I never had a computer, nor did I even know how to use one. I also told her that I didn’t think it would be for me, as I am kinda, “Old school.” Her name was Annie, and on here she was and_it_is_annie, and then she told me, that I could have her laptop when she died. Annie had cancer and she knew she was dying.
I could see that I was hurting Annie with all my negativity about on-line recovery, so I decided I would share her enthusiasm with the site. She was so happy, and proud that she was helping me, (she never did know how much she had helped me through our time together.)
I asked her, why did you give me the name no_more_no_les, and all she said was, “God will show you.” She told me about the people that would offer her support, and encourage her to keep going. When she was nearer to the end, she lost her ability to see, and I would read the comments to her and she would have me reply the comments that were left for her. I think she knew I was crying most of the time, because she would say to me, “It will be OK, God has a plan,” and to think I thought I was sponsoring her.
Annie never knew this but my health was starting to fail. My blood pressure was getting uncontrollable, I had some lumps in places where people should not have lumps. And I was going for surgery for a hernia. I could not have ever let Annie know that, because she did not need the burden of worrying about me, and I know she would have.
I had to go back on the road, so a very good friend of Annie’s came to be with her. His name was Rob, and he was the guy that killed Annie’s parents when she was 14 years old. Rob was drunk when he got involved in a car crash that killed Annie’s Mother and Father.
I found Annie some years later on the side of the highway and took her to a meeting and she never went back out. In turn it was Annie that found and forgave Rob, and brought him into AA. Rob has never went back out.
It was around November 11, 2009, Rob called me and told me that he thought I had better came home. He told me that Annie wanted me to be there. She knew she was dying and wanted to tell me something.
I came home and as hard as it was for me, I went to see her. It was hard for me, because I had witnessed my wife pass away from cancer.
Annie made me promise to her that I was to stay on this site and I was to try and help people the way she said I helped her. She told me that I am not to grieve her passing, but to share her story. And she told me that there will be thousands of people that will come here intherooms.com) and that people need to know Hope and find Forgiveness. Then Annie smiled and told me how much I helped her, and that she would pray for me.
It was that night that Annie gave me her Big Book, with all her scribbled notes and thoughts in it. Inside it was her step 4, crushed rose, and a picture of her when she was around 6 years old, with her mom and dad. And she gave me her first year medallion.
On November 13TH Annie gave me her laptop and told me I was to stay on this site. She said that even when I get frustrated with it, I am to stay. When I get upset with the computer, I am to learn. And then the last thing she told me, was “Please show the people the Hope, you showed me.”
Annie passed away the next day, November 14TH, 2009.
Some time after Annie’s passing, I was searching in YouTube and I found this song No more no less, by Mercy Me. It does mean lots to me, because when I asked Annie, “Why that name,” she said to me “God will show you.”
I think about Annie everyday, and all the blessings she has given me. But I think the biggest blessing for me was when she introduced me to intherooms.com.
I do not know if I have ever helped anyone here, but I do know that everyone has helped me, and thank you.
God Bless each and everyone of you, now and forever.
Submitted by BenBen The Fisherman on October 21, 2011
Submitted by Cris Italia on October 21, 2011
An all-star tribute to the late Mike DeStefano, Featuring Colin Quinn, Eugene Mirman, Rich Vos, Robert Kelly, Roy Wood Jr., Bonnie McFarlane and many more special guests.
In March of 2011 the comedy world was dealt a crushing blow as beloved New York City comedian Mike DeStefano suffered a fatal heart attack. A recovering addict who dealt with and overcame many tragedies throughout his life, Mike dedicated his existence towards helping others through the gift of stand-up comedy. Always candid and genuine, Mike always wore his heart on his sleeve and managed to touch so many people’s lives by being incredibly honest & caring towards whomever he crossed paths with.
In addition to a great lineup of comedy, this event will feature rare footage of Mike DeStefano as well as tributes from friends and family. Please join us for a special night as we tribute and remember a truly talented and gifted person that the comedy world misses dearly.
Please buy Tickets tickets in advance at Laughstub.com
$35 for Orchestra Seating
$25 for Mezzanine
All proceeds from this event will fund the Mike DeStefano Foundation dedicated to recovery and wellness.
Get more info at mikedestefano.com
Submitted by MrClean on October 21, 2011
This week we sent out an email asking for 75 people in chronic pain who wished to participate in a free OmaPrem trial. We got almost 1,000 responses! When we told the good people at OmaPrem what had happened, they graciously extended the free trial to everyone that responded before midnight on the first day. That means that over 867 people will be getting the product for free! All that they are asking is that people respond to their survey’s HONESTLY as to how they’re doing with managing their pain. The first group of 75 people had a 70% success rate on the product and they believe that the more people that try the product, the more people that will recommend it to others.
I can speak first hand about OmaPrem, because I was practically crippled with chronic pain in my knee 6 months ago, and now my knee is totally without pain… not even a twinge! In fact, I was already approved for a full knee replacement that is not necessary today (its a one day at a time thing). OmaPrem has been a wonderful supporter of InTheRooms, but if the product didn’t work, both RT and I would have turned down their money (we have turned away others)! We are very grateful that the people at OmaPrem understand how important it is for people in recovery to have an alternative to opiates when dealing with chronic pain issues. I’m looking forward to the results of this second trial.
Submitted by TheDotMack on October 21, 2011
Hi everyone. We have a gift for you.
InTheRooms has spent the past year planning, developing, and testing a brand new technology for carrying the message of recovery online.
Now Playing: InTheRooms LIVE Global 12 Step Video Meetings. Yes folks, the meetings we’ve been testing the past few months will now be regularly scheduled.
For starters, we’re going to have an AA meeting on Tuesdays and an NA meeting on Thursdays at 10PM eastern time, 7PM pacific (for our west coast friends).
The links to the meetings are:
- Tuesday AA Meeting, 10PM Eastern, 7PM Pacific: http://www.intherooms.com/livemeetings/view?meeting_id=4
- Thursday NA Meeting, 10PM Eastern, 7PM Pacific: http://www.intherooms.com/livemeetings/view?meeting_id=5
You can give the link to anyone, and they will be able to attend the meeting, ITR member or not, as there are no requirements for membership to attend real 12 step fellowship meetings. Tell your friends to choose the “Guest” option instead of logging in, if they don’t want to register to be an InTheRooms member.
We’re going to run these meetings for a few weeks ourselves just to make sure there aren’t any kinks, and then we’re going to slowly roll it out to our members who want to start official fellowship registered online meetings using the platform.
Our goal is to replicate the feeling someone gets when they go to a meeting, as best as possible in the virtual space. We want these meetings to touch the heart, and while we’ve had a rocky road during development and testing, one thing has stayed consistent: recovering people from all over the world are connecting in ways we never thought possible.
Thanks and with Love,
The InTheRooms Team
Submitted by BenBen The Fisherman on October 14, 2011
Submitted by SassySoberGirl on October 14, 2011
Yup. I’m goin there. Epic “no-no”, cause of arguments, discussions, eye brow raises and 13th step jokes. Down this slippery slope I go (pun absolutely intended). So … you wanna go for coffee after the meeting? Best recovery pick up line EVER!!!
New in recovery … or even not so new. Sex can be a difficult topic to discuss. Of course we can refer to our handy dandy recovery books … but all they basically say is ask God and don’t hurt anybody. God likes sex doesn’t he/she/it? I would assume so since we were created to do it. Some say instinct and some say need. Other schools of recovery thought are coitus anarchists and say “Strap me up baby I’m gettin’ my groove on”. Others go for the penile prohibition choice, “No sex except for a loving committed relationship … after a year … after the steps … after you’re old and shriveled. And for goodness sakes don’t enjoy it”.
My opinion varies on the subject. Being a divorced mother of three little cutie pies, my ability to meet eligible men is sketchy at best. Meet men at meetings? Then you hear “Don’t shit where you eat. AA is not a pickup joint.” Just for the purpose of being contrary I wonder where exactly us 30-ish, in our sexual prime (omg) folk are sposed’ to find a sexual partner or at least a date for movie night? Blah.
Everyone being at a different level of recovery/spirituality/healthiness (whatever that means), would suggest that we must be careful in our interactions. What’s okay to one of us certainly won’t be to another. I think the key may be to NOT be selfish??? The ability to have compassion and see other people for where they are … without judgment. Little Suzy sunshine may SAY that she can do the horizontal mambo and just be “friends”. Ahem. Three weeks later when your phone blows up every ten seconds would say otherwise. And that hot-ass new guy that promises that he wants a serious relationship and “We can stay sober together!” … I don’t think I need to finish that thought. At least I hope I don’t … gawd.
Wary of offers for “coffee” from the opposite sex after meetings. Those lead to U-Hauls in driveways more often than not. At the very least, could lead to waking up next to someone you really may not know well or even like that much if ya do know em. If someone is pushin to unzip the jeans, even if ya wanna REAL bad, make em’ wait and see if they’re in it to win it … or for the five minute show. Unless the five minute show is all ya want. Be careful though; the fallout can be seriously whack and you may break out in stalkers.
Like anything else in life and especially recovery, we don’t need any more shit than is already on our plate. Sex can be amazing, or a diversion, or a quick fix, or the start of something good. Know yourself, know your motives, for shitsakes be honest. Meanwhile, “self love” remains my best friend. Don’t even have to wear makeup or sexy outfits … although I usually do. Sexy is an attitude. Try not to pervert it. Or do pervert it … just don’t bitch about the consequences.
Amy G. (aka SassySoberGirl on ITR) is the current Editor-In-Chief / Slave Labor of Addiction Magazine. She also writes the I Love Recovery Blog for ITR and has her own blogsite at Actualized Recovery – Sober and Sassy