Submitted by no_more_no_les on July 15, 2010
In the last little while I have been spending some time reflecting. I have been thinking of when I first came into AA, and the road to the here and now. First I want to add, that anything I write here is of my own opinion and not of Alcoholics Anonymous, nor any Group of AA. This is simply some of my story.
When AA found me in that prison cell, I was not an alcoholic. I mean after all I knew what an alcoholic was, my father was one. I remember thinking the guy across the bar is, the guy at the party was, and at the end it was the bum on the other side of the river. It was never me, always the other guy.
On July 19Th, my higher power put me in a society removed. It was not the first time I was in jail. This time was different, this time I cried out, “God help me.” For the first time in my life it was, “God help me,” and not God get me out of this one and I will quit cussing or chasing married women, or, quit playing with myself. It was just, “God help me.” This time, there were no deals.
Did my God send me some hotshot Lawyer, to get my butt out of there? Did me God send in the two detectives, “Oh Mr. L. you are such an outstanding citizen, all forgiven?” No, my God sent the screw walking through the cell block yelling, “anyone for AA, AA at 7 o’clock.” That was Sunday July 20Th, 1980, and that is what I consider my dry date. I was 23 years old and in the condition we all know to well. I never had much to do in that six by nine, so I figured I would go down to the dinning room and check out this A n’ A.
I don’t remember much of that first meeting. I do remember, a couple of recycled railway rounders coming to try and tell us a little bit about what AA is about. I remember an old man by the name of Jerry K. that is no longer with us, (Bless his soul) look at me like his eyes burned rite through my soul. And Jerry said, “If you ever have a reason to drink, call me up. If I think the reason is good enough, I will buy the first one.” I thank God ever day that nobody said to me, “don”t drink.” If someone would have told me, “don’t drink,” I would have walked out of there, thinking, ‘who needs that crap, they are like all the rest.’ I had judges, cops, parole officers, family, friends, everyone told me don’t drink. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me don’t drink, I would have died drunk. My God knew exactly how to get me into AA.
Anyways, I went in and done my time, got out and got involved with the old Winnipeg Group. They told me to get a Big Book and a sponsor. When I asked them what a sponsor was, they told me to get one and ask him. I was watching this one old guy that people seemed to be drawn to. He never really preached to anyone, unless someone asked him something. His name was Lawrence T. and he was a ‘this is the way it is,’ kinda guy. I asked him to be my sponsor, and in about twenty minutes, I was sorry I did. He told me three things. He said, “Lie to me once, shame on you. Lie to me twice, shame on me.” He soon followed that up with, “Do as I say and not as I do. And you will be alright.” And then I never knew the impact of what happened next till many years after. Lawrence went and got two coffees, and sat down with me. He put his hand on my arm and said, “No matter what his situation was, he would be there for me.” I never knew the impact of that till that old man lived up to that statement to his dying day. Lawrence was there for me, and am so very grateful for the wisdom and guidance he passed on to me and many others.
Lawrence would tell me to do things. Things like, empty the ash trays. I would say, “Why the heck should I have to empty ashtrays, I’ve been using the floor.” He would say, “Good sweep the floor while you are at it.” He would drag me down to Central Office and answer phones. I like those times, because we would go through the book together and we had time to ourselves. When I was about nine months sober, Lawrence gave me the dreaded job of making coffee, I was not to happy. The Winnipeg Group could get two or three hundred people at a speaker meeting, and coffee making was a big job. I looked at Lawrence and said, “Why do I have to do this crap?” He said to me, “Remember Les, it’s not about you.” I told him, “I know it’s not, I can’t drink that much coffee.”
Looking back at these milestones in my recovery, they were more important than I could ever see at the time. As I was making coffee, I got to talk to everybody in the group. Most would give the normal welcome, or some of the guys would tell me a joke or two. I started to learn how to laugh again and met guys that really did care about me. I started to feel like I was part of and that I was needed. It never took to long, and I went to Lawrence and told him how much I enjoyed making coffee. He said to me, “Remember Les, it’s not about you.”
After some time, Lawrence got me involved on service, first Grapevine Rep, then Inter Group Rep, and up The Service Ladder he sent me. Every time I was given a new responsibility, Lawrence would say to me, “Remember Les, it’s not about you.”
Many years later I sat down with Lawrence and told him he was wrong. He looked at me with “THE LOOK” and asked about what. I told him all the times he said it wasn’t about me, it helped me. I told him when I made coffee, I got to meet people I would have never met. And when I was Grapevine Rep, I got to read all the Grapevines and I felt good when I got new people reading it. And, I went with my so called normal babble. Lawrence just looked at me and said, “It is amazing, that when we learn to put other people first, we get all of God’s rewards.”
I thought about that for a minute and what my life used to be like. Before I made it to AA, I was so consumed in my self, it almost killed me. Lawrence said to me, “Remember Les, if you put the other guy ahead of you. God will always look after you.”
Now whenever I am asked to do something in service, I do it. I do it for three reasons. I do it because someone done it for me, and am very grateful for that. I do it because in doing so, I know I will be looked after in God’s way. And that is good, because ‘my way’ had never worked for me. And I do it because something else Lawrence taught me. He use to say to me, “Gratitude is an action word. If you are truly grateful, it will show in your actions.”
Many years after Lawrence passed away, I heard a speaker at a Round Up. He talked about humility, he said, “Humility is not thinking any less of yourself. True humility is thinking of yourself a little bit less.” Then he said, ” When you are asked to do something in AA, or in life. Remember it is not about you, and we ought to practice these principles in all our affairs”
As long as we as a fellowship put the person that is still suffering first, whether that person in the rooms, or the one that has yet to reach us. God will look after us. That is how AA was built and that is how we as a fellowship will survive. That my friends is why we have traditions.
On July 20Th of this year, I will have thirty years. I know many of us look at these anniversaries as milestones in sobriety. I like to think the milestones are the little jobs we do, the ones that go unnoticed. While we don’t empty ash trays anymore in most places, we can still clean tables, or wash cups. We can still reach out to the new person and the old timer that may need a friend to talk to. For me, these are the milestones that count. For it was because of these little duties I never knew why I was doing, that I now have the reward of thirty years.
I am forever grateful what Lawrence had taught me, when I was unteachable. I am forever blessed, that even to this day, “It is not about me, and it never was.”
Thank you, I am forever indebted to the fellowship of AA, and to the person that has yet to reach us.
God Bless all of you, now and forever.
~~~Love Les~~~
