Submitted by wadenewme on August 27, 2010
I began going to meetings back when the first young peoples meetings began in the San Francisco, San Mateo areas around 1972. I knew I was a alcoholic as I got into trouble every time I drank, the juvenile hall became my second home. I was a ward of the state and all I wanted was for the bad things to stop happening every time I drank. I started going to 12 step meetings in the facility in the county I lived in and then upon release I began my introduction to the meetings and the Program in earnest. I liked meetings and had a tough time introducing myself as a person, introverted as I was, that is primarily why I drank, so I could interact with my peers. I tried the meetings and found a few principles I not only did not understand but was not willing to give an open mind to. Spirituality, a door knob was not such an outlandish idea but, I settled for nature and as long as I went to meetings and changed the friends I hung with I did ok but, not long would go by when I would either become bored or angry one led to the other I would choose to continue drinking in hopes I would not do something stupid. No such luck, I continued this pattern in my life for another 35 years. My life was characterized by countless vain attempts to drink like other people with disastrous results. I spent approx. 25 years incarcerated for crimes I committed while intoxicated or strung out on drugs, attempt after attempt, meeting after meeting, sponsors galore and many half hearted attempts to work the steps in my life. During those years I studied philosophy and religions in a search for a God of my understanding, nothing worked until one day long after Id been deemed a career criminal and about to be sentenced to 100 years in a western state, did I get “it” what ever in the hell that was, I discovered there was a God and I was not “IT” as He saved me from my last best attempt to have myself institutionalized once and for all. The judge let me go, and I headed south and east and found myself in paradise.
I continued to chip but not drink and Id go into AA meetings and swear up and down I was sober even though I smoked pot and smoked crack on the weekends. I actually was convinced as I did not end up in jail as a result, that went on for a little over a year until one day I drank and ended up in jail one more time, I got a stint of probation and a new lease on life. I have now been clean for 14 months. The first honest year I have ever had. Today I have a sponsor and a home group and do what service an anti-social mad man can do, and I work my steps and live the principles of the NA program. The one lesson I learned there was that I had to learn to survive my emotions in order to get and stay clean, with the help of a loving God and the 12 steps I am progressing well and one day at a time I will stay clean, but I am definitely not one of those people who could “Just don’t pick up no matter what” hell if I could have done that I would not have needed NA.
My name is Wade I am an addict.